Here are the life lessons I know at 40 that I wish I knew at 20:
1. The older you get, the more you realize it's less about what you want, and more about what you're willing to give up.
2. Success never feels as good as you had hoped; failure never feels as bad as you had feared. Don’t be ruled by either.
2. Success never feels as good as you had hoped; failure never feels as bad as you had feared. Don’t be ruled by either.
3. It's better to do something every day with no dream than to dream all day and do nothing.
4. Anything valuable in life needs years to build & compound slowly: wealth, knowledge, self-awareness, emotional maturity, family. It’s only with age that you reap rewards of patience.
4. Anything valuable in life needs years to build & compound slowly: wealth, knowledge, self-awareness, emotional maturity, family. It’s only with age that you reap rewards of patience.
5. The primary objective of every young person should be to continue their education indefinitely. Learning should not stop when you finish school.
6. Learn how to relate to people, how to be dependable and trustworthy, how to listen well, how to take risks, how to communicate your thoughts and feelings effectively. How to stomach rejection, how to manage your emotions, how to admit when you're wrong.
7. If you have emotional or mental health issues, now's the time to deal with them. Not when you're married, not when you already fucked up your kids. Take care of it now. Everyone will thank you decades later.
8. The best relationships are the ones you don't have to force.
8. The best relationships are the ones you don't have to force.
9. The fact remains that the best way to find a sexual relationship—committed or otherwise—is by not needing a sexual relationship to be happy and investing more in yourself.
10. Ultimately, the only good advice for strong relationships is self-improvement. Everything else is either a detail or a distraction.
11. Personal growth is merely the process of gradually learning to lie to ourselves less.
12. Build value within yourself, give that value to those around you, and most of your relationship problems will take care of themselves over the long run.
12. Build value within yourself, give that value to those around you, and most of your relationship problems will take care of themselves over the long run.
13. Try not to think of life as a series of achievements, but rather a series of explorations. You're not trying to achieve six back abs. You are simply exploring the potential of your health and fitness.
14. Just because something feels good, doesn't mean it is good. Just because you like someone, doesn't mean they are good for you.
15. Pursue worthy experiences without entangling your ego and identity up in them. Because even the most noteworthy achievements, when laced with ego, will turn you into a selfish asshole.
16. If you have to say you are something, you are not that thing. If you have to convince someone you’re high value, you’re not high value. If you have to demand respect, you are not worthy of respect.
17. The best way to earn respect from people around you is to first give it unconditionally. Satisfaction and self-respect will grow in proportion to the value that you bring to those around you.
18. Don't be afraid of your emotions. Learn to recognize your emotions and state them directly, but never let them dictate your life to you. Emotions are merely a suggestion, not a decree.
19. Become an expert of your own mind. Learn what motivates you. Learn what scares you. Learn what temps you and what vices derail you. Focus on what you can control, fuck the rest.
20. Don't make excuses. Don't blame the world for your shortcomings. Don't become bitter or resentful about things that don't affect you at all.
21. Don’t be seduced by moral outrage. Usually the narratives of moral outrage are sold to us by unhappy people who have failed themselves and others. They are trying to prove to you that success is impossible.
22. Choosing a long-term partner will be the most important decision you make at this stage of your life. A great partner will make everything easier. A bad partner will make everything unnecessarily difficult and complicated.
23. Complaining and talking shit is how weak people relate to each other. Train yourself to stop doing both and stop hanging around people who do either. You are the average of the five people you surround yourself with.
24. The world always seems like shit to young people, but recognize that today there is more freedom and opportunity than any other time in history, yet fewer people are willing to take it than ever.
25. But don’t confuse freedom with optionality. Know that the more choices you have, the less satisfied you are with each one. Research shows that when we’re presented with more options, we become less satisfied with any particular thing we choose.
26. True freedom comes from commitment.
Commitment gives you freedom because it determines what is worth paying attention to and what is worth ignoring.
Commitment gives you freedom because it determines what is worth paying attention to and what is worth ignoring.
27. The average young person is undereducated, underemployed, overweight, broke, and has doesn’t know how to talk to someone they are attracted to.
Just fucking try, my God, just try and your already ahead of most.
Just fucking try, my God, just try and your already ahead of most.
28. Confidence is not a belief in success, it's a comfort with failure.
29. The most important moments happen in the empty spaces in your calendar.
30. A regret is simply a mistake we haven't learned from yet. Learn from your mistakes, give them meaning.
29. The most important moments happen in the empty spaces in your calendar.
30. A regret is simply a mistake we haven't learned from yet. Learn from your mistakes, give them meaning.
31. The amazing thing about vulnerability is the more comfortable you are about being an average human, the higher above average people will think you are.
32. Don't seek revenge. Instead, become so good that they simply regret whatever they said or did.
32. Don't seek revenge. Instead, become so good that they simply regret whatever they said or did.
33. The point of planning isn't knowing what to do. The point is to delude yourself into thinking you know for long enough to actually get you to start doing shit.
34. The more available something is, the less you will want it. Humans have a strong scarcity bias. We unconsciously assume things that are scarce are valuable and things that are abundant are not.
This is not always true.
This is not always true.
35. Your mind can be a dumbass.
Our minds are unhelpful because they rarely construct accurate narratives of our past experiences. By learning to question your memory of how things were, you can get a better perspective on how things will be.
Our minds are unhelpful because they rarely construct accurate narratives of our past experiences. By learning to question your memory of how things were, you can get a better perspective on how things will be.
36. You’re wrong about most things. And it’s only in acknowledging how little you know that there is room for you to grow.
37. Most people wait until they are certain before they act. But you will never be certain of anything until you act.
37. Most people wait until they are certain before they act. But you will never be certain of anything until you act.
38. Get some fucking sleep. You need it more than you think.
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