You might remember Jese Rodriguez as a misfiring Stoke striker with a penchant for awful sunglasses.
But his off-field antics are worthy of a soap opera.
From exploding apartments to getting run over by his fiancée, here's the story of his truly ludicrous life...
But his off-field antics are worthy of a soap opera.
From exploding apartments to getting run over by his fiancée, here's the story of his truly ludicrous life...
The Spanish striker was once tipped as Real Madrid's hottest prospect, and ominously dubbed "the next Ronaldo."
But things didn't quite go to plan...
But things didn't quite go to plan...
Aged 21 and out injured, his home life literally goes in flames when his apartment explodes after a gas leak.
Jese is carried out by firemen and spends the rest of the season on the sidelines.
Jese is carried out by firemen and spends the rest of the season on the sidelines.
It sums up his time at Real, when Jese parties hard, rarely plays, and sires two kids.
After proudly naming his first son Jese Jr, he learns of his second on Instagram, when an ex-girlfriend posts pictures of a new born child with the hashtags #oursonishere #jeserodriguez.
After proudly naming his first son Jese Jr, he learns of his second on Instagram, when an ex-girlfriend posts pictures of a new born child with the hashtags #oursonishere #jeserodriguez.
Football (and fatherhood) take a back seat as Jese throws himself into the Spanish celebrity scene, releasing a string of godawful pop songs under his reggaeton alter ego, Jey M.
His prowess on the mic soon catches the eye of Spanish reality star Aurah Ruiz, and the pair began a rocky relationship.
By 2016, things have soured with Real, but Jese somehow earns a move to PSG.
Aurah joins him in Paris, where, despite rumours of cheating, they have a son.
By 2016, things have soured with Real, but Jese somehow earns a move to PSG.
Aurah joins him in Paris, where, despite rumours of cheating, they have a son.
But things are about to unravel.
After PSG reject him, Jese is sent on loan to the glamorous climes of Staffordshire, and Tony Pulis' Stoke City. Not fancying a move to the Potteries, Aurah runs a mile.
She then takes him to court for neglecting his duties as a father.
After PSG reject him, Jese is sent on loan to the glamorous climes of Staffordshire, and Tony Pulis' Stoke City. Not fancying a move to the Potteries, Aurah runs a mile.
She then takes him to court for neglecting his duties as a father.
But Aurah doesn't do her lawyers any favours when she checks herself into the Celebrity Big Brother house soon after.
She lasts 71 days before her housemates nominate her for eviction.
Jese sees his chance and splashes out €5,000 on text messages to successfully vote her off.
She lasts 71 days before her housemates nominate her for eviction.
Jese sees his chance and splashes out €5,000 on text messages to successfully vote her off.
If you're enjoying this thread, we spill plenty more stories from Jese's ludicrous life on The Upshot podcast.
Jesé Rodriguez: a wonderkid gone wild
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Jesé Rodriguez: a wonderkid gone wild
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Back in the real world, the scheming Stoke striker doubles down.
He countersues Aurah for slander and harassment, demanding she "be sentenced to three to five years in prison."
He countersues Aurah for slander and harassment, demanding she "be sentenced to three to five years in prison."
He triumphs in their courtroom showdown, as the judge sentences Aurah to 9 days community service.
But there are gasps from the gallery as Jese and Aurah walk out of the courtroom hand in hand, kissing on the steps in front of the stunned press pack.
But there are gasps from the gallery as Jese and Aurah walk out of the courtroom hand in hand, kissing on the steps in front of the stunned press pack.
The reunited lovers jet off to Gran Canaria to celebrate Aurah's 31st birthday with a lockdown-busting bash.
Inevitably the tabloids get hold of photos and Paris St Germain reprimand Jese for flouting social distancing rules.
But he's got bigger problems than PSG...
Inevitably the tabloids get hold of photos and Paris St Germain reprimand Jese for flouting social distancing rules.
But he's got bigger problems than PSG...
Two days later, Aurah returns home to find Jese knobbing her close friend and fellow model, Amar Rocio, on the sofa.
She goes ballistic, attacking them with one of those sticks you use to clean swimming pools before throwing their furniture in the pool.
She goes ballistic, attacking them with one of those sticks you use to clean swimming pools before throwing their furniture in the pool.
In retaliation, Amar shares clips of Jese calling Aurah "boring" and "crazy", and threatens to expose their "sexual encounter" in a nightclub.
Aurah escapes her chaotic home life to return to the safe confines of reality TV, spilling the beans on celeb dross pit La Casa Fuerta.
Aurah escapes her chaotic home life to return to the safe confines of reality TV, spilling the beans on celeb dross pit La Casa Fuerta.
A despairing Jese then phones the TV channel to speak to Aurah.
"I see that you are not happy", he tells her in a phone call broadcast live to millions.
She's not the only one - PSG finally tire of the "stain" Jese's private life is causing the club, and sack him.
"I see that you are not happy", he tells her in a phone call broadcast live to millions.
She's not the only one - PSG finally tire of the "stain" Jese's private life is causing the club, and sack him.
Single and clubless, the former Real Madrid wonderkid retreats to the Spanish second tier, joining Canary Islands side Las Palmas.
But just as he's rediscovering his goalscoring form, news breaks that Jese has been the victim of a hit and run car incident.
But just as he's rediscovering his goalscoring form, news breaks that Jese has been the victim of a hit and run car incident.
Grainy video footage emerges showing the striker limping at the roadside, and witnesses report a woman matching Aurah's description speeding away from the scene.
Both Jese and Aurah deny she ran him over.
Both Jese and Aurah deny she ran him over.
For most couples, serial adultery, court battles and road rage would be enough to sink them.
But Jese and Aurah are built of sterner stuff: in 2022 they shocked the Tenerife Z List celeb circuit by announcing their surprise engagement with a naff photo opp in Dubai.
But Jese and Aurah are built of sterner stuff: in 2022 they shocked the Tenerife Z List celeb circuit by announcing their surprise engagement with a naff photo opp in Dubai.
And it looks like things are finally on the up: the pair tied the knot in the summer, and announced Aurah is pregnant with Jese's sixth child.
What could possibly go wrong?
What could possibly go wrong?
From jet ski bust ups to "parking my batmobile in your batcave", we tell loads more ridiculous Jese stories on The Upshot podcast.
Jesé Rodriguez: a wonderkid gone wild
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Jesé Rodriguez: a wonderkid gone wild
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