5 Ways to Develop Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is a set of skills you can get better at with practice. Here are five to start with.
1) Practice self-awareness
Like with most things emotional, you can’t get better at them until you know that they’re fucking there.
Learn to understand yourself and your behavior on three levels: 1) what you’re doing, 2) how you feel about it, and 3) the hardest part, figuring out what you don’t know about yourself.
2) Channel your emotions productively
People who believe that emotions are the be-all-end-all of life often seek ways to “control” their emotions. You can’t. You can only react to them.
Emotions are merely the signals that tell us to pay attention to something. We can then decide whether or not that “something” is important and choose the best course of action in addressing it—or not.
The whole point is to be able to channel your emotions into what psychologists call “goal-directed behavior”—or what I prefer to call “not being an asshole.”
3) Learn to motivate yourself
Have you ever lost yourself completely in an activity? Like, you start doing something and get immersed in it and when you snap out of it, you realize three hours have passed but it felt like fifteen minutes?
This is what I call the “Do Something Principle”—i.e. taking action is not just the effect of motivation, but also the cause of it—and it’s one of the simplest yet most magical “hacks” I’ve ever come across.
If you don’t feel like anything motivates you, do something. Draw a doodle, talk to a stranger, learn a musical instrument, volunteer in your community, build a bookshelf, write a poem.
In order to use your emotions effectively to get your shit together, you have to do something.
4) Recognize emotions in others to create healthier relationships
The whole point of developing emotional intelligence should ultimately be to foster healthier relationships in your life.
And healthy relationships—romantic, familial, or platonic—begin with recognition and respect of one another’s emotional needs.
You do this by connecting and empathizing with others. By both listening and sharing yourself honestly—that is, through vulnerability.
5) Infuse your emotions with values
Emotional intelligence is meaningless without orienting your values.
Conmen are highly emotionally intelligent. They understand emotions well, both in themselves and especially in others. But they use that information to manipulate people for their own personal gain.
Your actions are always serving a value you may not realize you’ve chosen. Stop for a minute and ask yourself, what do I value?
And if it’s not a good value, choose a better one.
Emotional intelligence is a set of skills you can get better at with practice. Here are five to start with.
1) Practice self-awareness
Like with most things emotional, you can’t get better at them until you know that they’re fucking there.
Learn to understand yourself and your behavior on three levels: 1) what you’re doing, 2) how you feel about it, and 3) the hardest part, figuring out what you don’t know about yourself.
2) Channel your emotions productively
People who believe that emotions are the be-all-end-all of life often seek ways to “control” their emotions. You can’t. You can only react to them.
Emotions are merely the signals that tell us to pay attention to something. We can then decide whether or not that “something” is important and choose the best course of action in addressing it—or not.
The whole point is to be able to channel your emotions into what psychologists call “goal-directed behavior”—or what I prefer to call “not being an asshole.”
3) Learn to motivate yourself
Have you ever lost yourself completely in an activity? Like, you start doing something and get immersed in it and when you snap out of it, you realize three hours have passed but it felt like fifteen minutes?
This is what I call the “Do Something Principle”—i.e. taking action is not just the effect of motivation, but also the cause of it—and it’s one of the simplest yet most magical “hacks” I’ve ever come across.
If you don’t feel like anything motivates you, do something. Draw a doodle, talk to a stranger, learn a musical instrument, volunteer in your community, build a bookshelf, write a poem.
In order to use your emotions effectively to get your shit together, you have to do something.
4) Recognize emotions in others to create healthier relationships
The whole point of developing emotional intelligence should ultimately be to foster healthier relationships in your life.
And healthy relationships—romantic, familial, or platonic—begin with recognition and respect of one another’s emotional needs.
You do this by connecting and empathizing with others. By both listening and sharing yourself honestly—that is, through vulnerability.
5) Infuse your emotions with values
Emotional intelligence is meaningless without orienting your values.
Conmen are highly emotionally intelligent. They understand emotions well, both in themselves and especially in others. But they use that information to manipulate people for their own personal gain.
Your actions are always serving a value you may not realize you’ve chosen. Stop for a minute and ask yourself, what do I value?
And if it’s not a good value, choose a better one.
For more content that can change your life, sign up to my newsletter. No fluff, no filler, no BS. Just five minutes each week that could potentially change everything. markmanson.net
Loading suggestions...